I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
