I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
