i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
