Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I deserve this hangover.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
