i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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