its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
