If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
God, I missed his penis.
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