it's great music for shaving your balls
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
