I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
