i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
