My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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