I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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