Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
