is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
