Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
