I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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