Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
