Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
