I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize