the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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