she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
