dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
