I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
