It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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