theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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