Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
