So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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