Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
