I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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