Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
