im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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