Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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