She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
