I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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