Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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