Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
