i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
