OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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