I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
