Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
