Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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