I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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