My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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