I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
