I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
