Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
