no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
