two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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