Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
