well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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