im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
