Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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