Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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