I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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