Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dignity is for republicans.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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