That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
