Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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