During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
