I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
