You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
