Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
