I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize