So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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