After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
