just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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