Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
