so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
