Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
