If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
