This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Congratulations! We have a period
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
