My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
